For all who are wondering, my date wasn't spectacular. I hate to mention this right off the bat, but Jerome wasn't cute. Oh well. He also wasn't talkative. I tried halfheartedly to make conversation, but I really didn't care that much if we even hit it off. He did take me to dinner at Tucano's, however. It seemed to bother him that it was a little expensive, but I didn't mind. Sorry bud, that's life... and dating.Luckily, after my not-so-incredible date, AtP saved me! We drove around Provo until 4 am shooting the breeze and eating chocolate. I think I have a crush. ;) But really, what I'm wondering is... are there any sensitive, kind, wonderful, straight men out there? I feel SO much more fulfilled spending time with my mohos than any straight guy I can think of at the moment. I know that our relationships are not going any further than friendship, but I'm happy with what we have. I love them so much. Am I messed up for not wanting a stupid straight guy ruining my life? Am I wrong to hope for the possibility that there are straight guys out there who actually have the incredible qualities my mohos have? Am I being too picky because I'm waiting for a guy who actually wants to get to know me and will talk to me until the wee hours of the morning? I think I know the answers to these questions-they are kind of rhetorical-but I'm just starting to wonder about myself. Why do I find myself inadvertently surrounded by men who deal with SSA? I mean, I'm not complaining by any means, but what is it about me that makes me, as AtP calls it, a "fruit fly"? I need to figure out what makes me recoil from dating right now. Perhaps it is just an ebb and flow in my dating life. Whatever it is, I do not plan on volunteering for any more blind dates in the next while and I do plan on spending as much time as I can with the people I love.
12 comments:
Forgive me for playing semantic games, but they're my specialty.
Sounds like you had a great date, right after your boring one. The question I'd be framing, were I in your place: to what extent is your ability to enjoy yourself with gay friends (I can say that, right?) keyed to a reduced expectaion-- that you know it's never going to "go anywhere"? Loving your friends for who they are is three kinds of awesome, but if it's harder for you to get to that point in a relationship with a straight guy, that's where progblems could come in.
But you probably already figured that out.
I feel your pain. I love my gay friends so much, and I get so annoyed with straight guys. I don't know if there are any really dateable straight ones out there. I wish you luck though. Let me know if you find anything. :/
Miki evidently had tons of gay friends prior to marrying me, and we're quite happy, despite our unique wrinkles that we have to iron out...In a lot of ways, I think our wrinkles are better than some of the ones I've seen in "straight" marriages... So, maybe it's not a bad thing? Who's to say you wont' find a moho that loves you and wants to marry you and you both live "happily ever after?"
My advice: marry one of your moho pals someday. If they are the ultimate in what you are looking for then just do it.
Okay, so I am kind of joking. But I'm sure you think or hope that we'll all get married to some great girl one day and that we'll all be happy? That girl has got to be somebody. Can you be "the kind of girl who" could see yourself married to a moho someday?
Once again, just a joke. But those were my thoughts as I read your blog. If we are as wonderful as you say we are then we are the perfect husband for you. And you've got so many to choose from!!
Have a great night.
a) i love your cell phone picture
b) i'm sorry jerome didn't live up to his name potential (how could you be named jerome and not be stunningly romantic and handsome?)
c) i feel EXACTLY the same way. it's not so much that i know it's not going to go anywhere, but that i simply don't enjoy myself as much with anyone else. i can say whatever i want and give my love completely freely, and there are no awkward expectations or reactions. my homosexual friends (that are not necessarily mohos) have really stepped up my life and have made me feel like there are people in this world (beside my handful of highschool friends) that can truly understand, accept, and love me. i get so disappointed sometimes when i find myself crushing on these people, but i also realize that because of the circumstance i am able to go beyond elementary "i like you's" and grow to truly love them. if that's all i get for the time being, all being these wonderful, fulfilling relationships, i am absolutely content.
To answer your question Isaac, I definitely could see myself with a moho. They are so wonderful and I am inexplicably attracted to them. The question is, would one be interested in me? That's a bigger question than I can answer on my own. I also don't mean to whine in this post at all, I guess it was just an awkward way of saying that I enjoy my relationships with men who deal with SSA much more than straight men right now. I'm okay with that and I'll keep my options open with men in general, moho or not. I love you guys!
Foosh.
Y'all are so insightfully empathetic, I feel stuffy and analytical now. I'll stick around for a bit, and hope I can make a positive contribution by being myself. Or something warm and fuzzy like that.
Hey you probably don't remember me but I saw you at fhe on monday. The tall kid with the light blue shirt. Anyways I was curious and checked your blog because you mentioned it. I decided to try blogging out so I could post comments.
Sorry about the boring date. At least you got to eat chocolate. My fave is the Ghirardelli chocolate squares with caramel in the middle. Anyway you are probably really weirded out by the fact I am posting and you don't even know me. So thanks for introducing me to the blog world. Have a great day!
I know I am posting more than I should but I wanted to mention that although the relationships you have with your mohos seem like they're never going to become romantic just the fact that you seem willing to work with it is totally awesome! I really didn't think that there was any chance that a girl would be interested if she knew. So anyways I probably said more than I should have. But I had to say it!
Hey, I'm sensitive, kind, wonderful and straight! As you can see, I also downplay my perceived (not real, per se) strengths! I've been thinking about SSA lately too. We should talk some time.
Someday, if you're interested, I have something you should read. It explains many of the dynamics which draw women to gay men. It's not foolproof, but it's definitely worth reading.
Btw--I enjoyed meeting you a few weeks ago and seeing you again at the Matis's on Monday. :)
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