Wednesday, December 19, 2007

is trying to keep perspective.

From Mark Twain's The Innocents Abroad: Or the New Pilgrims' Progrss:

Substitute the words "Europe" and "Jerusalem" for "life" and this will inspire you...

"We are at home again. We are exhausted. The sun has roasted us, almost. We have full comfort in one reflection, however. Our experiences in Europe have taught us that in time this fatigue will be forgotten; the heat will be forgotten; the thirst, the tiresome volubility of the guide, the persecutions of the beggars--and then, all that will be left will be pleasant memories of Jerusalem, memories we shall call up with always increasing interest as the years go by, memories which some day will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds never again to return. School-boy days are no happier than the days of after life, but we look back upon them regretfully because we have forgotten our punishments at school, and how we grieved when our marbles were lost and our kites destroyed--because we have forgotten all the sorrows and privations of that canonized epoch and remember only its orchard robberies, its wooden sword pageants and its fishing holidays. We are satisfied. We can wait. Our reward will come. To us, Jerusalem and to-day's experiences will be an enchanted memory a year hence--memory which money could not buy from us."

Time does pass and life's difficulties, one by one, fade from remembrance. In the midst of trials, try to remember that soon your pain will be less than a memory. In fact, you won't remember it at all.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

is experiencing "saudade."


Unfortunately, we have no word like saudade in the English language. A friend recently told me about it when I was explaining how we often "pre-mourn" events in our life which have not occurred yet. I know that I do it quite often. I am usually sadder or more nostalgic about something when I am anticipating it happening, and not afterward. This period of my life is just soaked in a feeling that I described as "longing joy" in a poem I recently wrote. It is better to allow myself to feel joy and a little ache along with it instead of writhing in agony in the times I like to call "purgatory." I just can't do that anymore, thank goodness.

So, what am I mourning the momentary loss of? If you've been keeping up with my blog you know. He is currently residing in the brick confines of the not very far away MTC. Too close for comfort, if you'd ask me, but it sure does make mailing packages easier. :) I feel saudade for the distance between us, for the potential that we might not end up together, and for the potential that we might. I also feel an ache to complete parts of my life that remain open as of yet. I find myself feeling both sorrow and hope for future possibilities and that is when it is especially difficult to focus on the task at hand, like right now. I should be pouring over the details of the Brothers Karamazov, but I can't do it. Instead I keep picturing myself with six to eight children, covered in flour in the kitchen, and straining my ears to her my husband come home from work. I picture a house in the country, my little retro kitchen, a dog with freckles on its nose, chickens in the backyard, and a long two-grooved driveway up to the porch...


My mind is walking down this road right now to my home with a basket of blackberries. It is not that I am unsatisfied with my life right now, it is good, but it isn't that "icing on the cake" kind of good. It is "bubble bath on a Tuesday morning" good, which is fine. I just keep thinking forward to when I get the icing on the cake, hopefully, and my heart aches for that extra bit of sweetness in my life. I really have no where new to go with this post. I guess that is the point, saudade gets us nowhere, it is just a walk down memory lane. I don't think it is negative to feel it, I enjoy remembering and hoping, I just want to be able to plant my feet firmly in the present until finals are over and let my longing take over when I am home again, both literally and figuratively.

Monday, December 10, 2007

wants you to read...

this.

Go ahead, read my article. I hope you enjoy it. I would like to hear any feedback if you have some. Thanks. :)

Fan Cast for Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archive Series

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