writes in her electronic diary.

found a new Muse... literally.

Okay, the title is a really bad pun but this band is great! How did I not know about them earlier? I love Brit rock, it defines my life. This band is a mix of everything I love about it: gorgeous tenor vocals, intricate melodies, beautiful lyrics, AWESOME guitar, and yes, British accents. Oh, they are so good. I have the lyrics to Butterflies and Hurricanes running through my head today:

change,
everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called
fights, battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

change,
everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called
fights and battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

don't,
let yourself down
don't let yourself go
your last chance has arrived

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

I'm not going to make any poetic applications to my life right now, but it makes me happy and it is very thought-provoking. I recommend Muse to any who love Keane, Travis, Radiohead, etc.

P.S. Check out their videos on my side bar.

wants to write a novel.

I've had this urge to write something substantial and meaningful for over a year now. Maybe it stems from my obsession with YA fiction. I've had a couple of ideas come into my head, but they've been fleeting. None of the ideas have been intriguing enough to write out more than a few pages at best. So, I'm wondering, if you wrote a novel, what would it be about? Don't worry, I won't steal your ideas. I just want to know what is inside your head. Isn't that frightening?

P.S. I thought the picture of Henry Cavill in my last post would be hot enough to get some comments. I guess I was wrong. You are all so disspointing!

is in love with a vampire.

I just finished reading New Moon and Eclipse within three days and I just have to gush about my new found love--Edward Cullen. I will get on and write something more meaningful about my whole experience in Europe probably on my other blog, but right now I can't think of anything else! I can't even write my senior thesis! Oh well. That's what happens when you get involved with someone like him. He's perfect in every way, except for one: he has no soul. But do we really believe that? I don't know if I do. It's really intriguing to me how incredibly appealing he is as a character. I haven't come across anything like him in all the years I've been reading. Stephenie Meyer has created an irresistable character, the epitome of someone that is just out of reach and for some reason, it is SO attractive. Why is that the case with us humans? Why don't we want what is safe and comfortable? Or at least "good for us"? (And I don't necessarily believe this term in all of its connotations) Like Jacob Black? Jacob tells Bella that Edward is essentially her brand of heroin, the same thing that Edward told her much earlier. "He's like a drug for you, Bella... I can see that you can't live without him now. It's too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun." And she does love him, "I want to love you and make you happy. And I can't, and it's killing me... I never had a choice. I always knew nothing would change. Maybe that's why I was fighting against you so hard." She recognizes the possibilities for herself and Jacob, but recognizes that the one she can't sacrifice is Edward. I don't blame her one bit. She gave her heart away before she met Jacob.

I guess I am babbling on about this because it just seems like a situation that can't turn out perfectly, in the definition of fairy tale endings. But I'm not really interested in a fairy tale ending, and I don't think Edward and Bella are either. The truth is, there is always sacrifice involved. For Bella, the sacrifices seem endless. She must give up her mortal existence, the possibility of a future family, her immediate family (to a certain degree), Jacob, her friends, all "human" experiences, and in return she gets Edward, the true love of her life. He has already been denied human experience, not by choice, and has lived many years waiting for someone like Bella, but he did not imagine that she would be human. He must give up his literal thirst for her--his "natural man" instinct associated with being a vampire--and her humanness--which includes many of the things that draw her to him. His list seems short in comparison and he constantly feels like he is not worthy of her love, while she feels the same about him. While I think some would complain that Bella is giving up too much, I argue in her and Edward's favor because what is worth more than love? True love, that is. I agree with Bella when she said, "You can't make me go somewhere you won't be... that's my definition of hell."

So I am in love with the idea of their relationship. It is not perfect, it is flawed and dangerous and both have made so many mistakes, but the effort that they are putting into being together for the right reasons is undeniable. They deserve to be together because of that pure love. They are so young and I think their reasoning must be understood from that level, it is incredibly passionate because of it and because of the forces that have threatened to keep them apart. It's better than Romeo and Juliet because they can only be together forever in death. Life is too short for their love. On a spiritual note, isn't that the way it should be? Life should be too short for the love between two people. Maybe not as potentially "damned" vampires, but as two people that see time as a restraint to the love they feel. Time is not enough.

I see that it's late and I am still jet-lagged, and this is getting thoroughly sappy, but really! I think that Edward (well, Stephenie Meyer) has awakened ridiculous expectations for love in me. And that might not be a good thing. I just can't accept anything less than being completely in love with someone and being willing to make those kinds of sacrifices. I have never experienced that kind of devotion and I want to. I want to be that devoted. I'm going to keep looking for my Edward...