How is it done?

I have been learning some profound things about faith lately. Returning to the faith-enriched chapters of Alma 32-33, I pinpointed some things that I had never noticed before. I realized that faith can be strengthened simply by the kinds of questions that we ask the Lord.

The people that Alma taught were humbled by their impoverished circumstances. They had been treated cruelly, but they were not numbed to faith because of their experiences; they realized that Alma had something to teach them and they were willing to listen. The first thing they asked him was "How they should plant the seed... or in what manner they should begin to exercise their faith" (33:1). They did not ask him why they had been subjected to such cruelty or any other questions pertaining to why they were in their current circumstances.

I am beginning to be intrigued with this question: How? In my experience it comes before all other questions when dealing with the Lord. He may never answer a question directly that begins with who, what, where, why, or when because these questions are based primarily on fact. Asking how requires a greater measure of faith because it shows a willingness to do what is asked without depending on worldly knowledge. I see now that when we ask how, we show the Lord that we want to be led. We show Him that all other questions can wait as we are guided to learn His will, then the other answers will come as needed.

So, once the people ask how, Alma goes right ahead and tells them the answer. In verse 2 he says, "ye ought to search the scriptures." Then he tells them to pray and testifies of how the Lord has heard his prayers. He asks them, "if ye have read the scriptures... how can ye disbelieve on the Son of God?" Finally, he promises them once more what the result of planting a seed of faith will be:

as it beginneth to swell even so nourish it by your faith, And behold it will become a tree, springing up in you unto everlasting life. And then may God grant unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of His son. And even all this can ye do if ye will.

These simple answers are sufficient for the people Alma taught and for all of us. I see how they work in my life now, after some sad and difficult things have happened. Despite those disappointments, my peace remains and my faith continues to grow as I ask the Lord how I am supposed to live my life in order to experience greater joy. I used to wonder why I was given certain trials or periods of waiting. Now I am learning to ask how to be joyful and stop focusing so intently on the whys. I feel very blessed to see this lesson at this time in my life. Most of the difficulty I have encountered with trials of faith have been because I was asking questions that would not be answered without the initial question of how to show that I am even willing to do what is necessary to obtain the whys.

The ultimate test of life is seeking to do what is asked of us before we understand the reasons fully. It is also striving to live the higher law without the immediate capacity to do so. As the Lord said to Abraham, "We will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them." It occurred to me that God is proving us, not the other way around. We are not meant to go about trying to prove things that faith is meant to teach. Asking how is an opportunity to see past worldly constraints that would impede our ability to believe. I try to remind myself often that God's ways defy our human logic:

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts (Isa. 55:9).

Finally, I want to reemphasize what Alma said concerning blessings that come after a trial of faith. God promises us that as we seek to live the answers (and questions) he gives us, and our faith grows even further, "then may God grant unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of His son. And even all this can ye do if ye will."

Unharvested possibilities

Unharvested

A scent of ripeness from over a wall.
And come to leave the routine road
And look for what had made me stall,
There sure enough was an apple tree
That had eased itself of its summer load,
And of all but its trivial foliage free,
Now breathed as light as a lady's fan.
For there had been an apple fall
As complete as the apple had given man.
The ground was one circle of solid red.

May something go always unharvested!
May much stay out of our stated plan,
Apples or something forgotten and left,
So smelling their sweetness would be no theft.

--Robert Frost

Today I return to blogging after an absence of about five and a half months. I knew I'd come back eventually, I just wanted something more substantial to say before I posted again. The business of waiting is over and I am seeing my life in a new way. Let me explain...

I moved to Utah in mid-January this year in order to be reunited with the person I was dating. It was a leap of faith. I was honestly scared, but I had a strong feeling that it was still the correct path for me, regardless of the amount of reticence I was feeling from him. I quit my job and left home again. It was difficult for me to do this. I am not even sure I can explain how much I miss my family even now, but I am still reassured that I am in the place where I am supposed to be.

I had two major worries when I came to Utah. I wondered if I could find a job and I also spend a good amount of time worrying about the relationship I was in. I couldn't feel the same amount of commitment coming from him and it was unclear to me why things weren't working out the way I'd imagined them. I don't want to agonize over what went wrong. I only know that he wasn't ready for a greater commitment like I was. I know his fears were overwhelming him. I couldn't change that and I needed resolution. When I finally asked him if he truly wanted to be with me, he could only say no because he couldn't say yes with all his heart. That happened last week. I felt an acute loss for about two days. The pain was almost literally like a weight on my chest. But somehow, on the third day, I felt relief. I'd accepted what happened and woke up with a feeling of happiness and peace unlike any I'd felt for some time. I see possibilities for my life that I haven't seen before because it happened.

Take note of the poem at the beginning of this post. I found it two days ago and it explains perfectly how I feel about the loss that I have just experienced. Instead of viewing it as something spoiled, I see it as something that wasn't for me. I can leave it unharvested and continue on my path without without regret. I am satisfied to have spent the time that I did enjoying it and learning from it. Now I can move on.

The week that my relationship ended I also started working at a new job. I won't be able to give many details about it here, because I am working at a treatment facility for adolescent girls who have addictions. It has been eye-opening to work with these teenagers. They come from a variety of backgrounds and have many different challenges. They must be watched constantly to ensure that they are not engaging in behaviors that will harm themselves or others. I actually love working with them and I feel very fulfilled at work presently. It isn't an easy job, but it is the kind of work that I enjoy doing.

So today I am grateful. I feel at peace. I am not sure where my path will take me, but I am done trying to change things that are out of my power. Doctrine and Covenants 123: 16-17 has been going through my mind lately:

You know, brethren, that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves. Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

Focusing on my ability to act instead of focusing on what others are doing is one of the most important lessons I've ever learned, and I continue to learn it each time I am faced with a trial. If I constantly worry about something that is out of my power, I give my peace away. I am thankful that it has returned, along with a good dose of hope.

Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day to everyone! I'll celebrate tonight by eating green cafeteria food at work. I hope you enjoy your day too.