Rollo: "So what's the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle? Minus or plus?"
Juno: "I don't know. It's not seasoned yet. Nope... There it is. The little pink plus sign is so unholy."
[shakes pregnancy tester]
Rollo: "That ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet."
Rollo: "You better pay for that pee-stick when you're done with it. Don't think it's yours just because you marked it with your urine!"
Juno: "I'm pregnant."
Paulie: "What should we do?"
Juno: "Well, I should just... I was thinking I'd just nip it in the bud before it gets worse. Because they were talking about in health class how pregnancy... It can often lead to an infant."
Paulie: "Typically, yeah... Yeah that's what happens when our mothers and teachers get pregnant."
Juno: "Yeah, I'm a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale."
Juno: "Thanks a heap coyote ugly. This cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment."
Juno: "Wow your shorts are like especially gold today."
Paulie: "My mom uses color safe bleach."
Juno: "Go Carol."
Mac: "Liberty Bell, if you put one more Baco on that potato, I'm gonna kick your little monkey butt."
Su-Chin: "I'm having a little trouble concentrating."
Juno: "Oh well I could sell you some of my Adderall if you want."
Su-Chin: "No thanks I'm off pills."
Juno: "That's a wise choice because I knew this girl who like had this crazy freak out because she took too many behavioral meds at once and she like ripped off her clothes, and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and was like, "Blah I am a Kracken from the sea!"
Su-Chin: "I heard that was you."
Juno: "Well, it was good seeing ya Su-Chin."
Mac: "Are you having boy troubles? I gotta be honest; I don't much approve of dating in your condition, 'cause well... that's kind of messed up."
Juno: "Dad, no!"
Mac: "Well, it's kind of skanky. Isn't that what you girls call it? Skanky? Skeevy?"
Juno: "Please stop now."
Mac: "Tore up from the floor up?"
Mac: "In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your a**. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."
Mac: "Whats that thing?"
Vanessa: "It's a Pilates machine."
Mac: "What do you make with it?"
Vanessa: "Oh you don't make anything with it, its for exercise."
Mac: "Oh. My wife ordered one of those Tony Little Gazelles off the television... I don't know about that guy. He doesn't look right."
1 comment:
My favorite quote comes from a deleted scene. It's got some borderline words... but it reminds me so much of my older relatives that I have to share:
Mrs. Rancik: Would you look at that sunset? Sunsets are Jesus's paintbox!
Juno: Jesus must really dig orange.
Mrs. Rancik: Jesus loves all the colors. Except Mexican.
Juno: Can I have this living room set? I need some adult furniture to impress a man-friend.
Mrs. Rancik: You can have that chair. I never did trust it, just like Bobby Kennedy.
Juno: I bet they both saw tons of @$$.
Mrs. Rancik: That chair can burn in blazes for all I care...along with those Catholic Whore Nuns and those bastards that put mercury in my tuna!
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