And I don't like it one bit. Why do I resist every time I'm moved from my place? Maybe it's the same reason my dog growls when I try to pick him up when he is sleeping. It's just not comfortable. There are a number of things prompting this feeling in me right now: the semester is ending, friendships are realigning, new friendships are being formed, some friends are leaving, I am going to Russia for the summer, and there seems to be other changes looming on the horizon. I always resist when I feel like my life is changing direction. I dislike the feeling of cold wind in my face and I want to turn my back to it again. But I can't. I have to keep going forward. At least the wind dries the tears on my face.
I guess this is the pessimist's view of opportunity. I am not usually one. This side of me tends to kick in late at night when I am too reminiscent of past events or brooding over future possibilities and I am not thinking about the here and now. Sometimes it is good to reflect and it is good to plan, but is it important not to regret and not to fear. I shouldn't plan for the worst-case scenario. Life is much more promising than I usually imagine it to be. I've experienced that time and time again.
I like what Thomas S. Monson said a few years ago, "Learn from the past, prepare for the future, live in the present." Living in the present is the only cure for reliving past mistakes and dreading future ones. Really, it's not that I am afraid of making mistakes either; I am afraid of missing out on something or somebody important. I am tempted to think that it would be easier to stay in my comfortable place to avoid feeling pain or disappointment. But after painful experiences comes growth and that is always a good thing. This thought is hard to express at this time of night, so I will leave it at this: I am often afraid of change in my life, but I know it's necessary. I am just praying for the courage to keep going and have faith even when I don't know exactly what is ahead of me. I suppose this post is just about faith that good things will happen when my life shifts and I am placed in a new, uncomfortable situation. So, I guess I will try to stop fighting against the wind.
5 comments:
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Reading this post was like getting into my own head. You put it much more eloquently than I could ever hope to, but I feel the same way much of the time.
Change is never something I enjoy and I resist a lot of it. The problem I end up finding is that most of the change ends up being extremely beneficial and then I kick myself for not taking the opportunities sooner.
Thanks for chatting with me last night. It was nice to have someone to mull things over with ;)
The obvious (or at least prosaic) comparison to draw is trees - the whole concept of bending with the wind vs. standing up against the wind. The thing is, there's a time for both. We value a supple, bendable tree for its ability to deal with and survive strong winds, but we also value a strong and sturdy oak that stays put no matter what. I think as human beings, though, we tend to thrive more as the bendable variety - the sturdy oak type is more often labeled stubborn than anything else.
So I guess in the end I agree with the idea that to be more supple is generally more advantageous than not. Still, it's a natural human reaction to test our strength against the wind. Just don't let it blow you over before you decide to move with it.
I can relate to your feelings about change. It can be sad to leave your friends and the things you know to go and do something different. I'm kind of going through the same thing right now. But plan for the best. Live in the present like you said but expect that something great will happen. You never know what the future will bring but you have control over your choices. So choose to grow and do everything in your power to make these next few months amazing. You can have a lot of influence for good where you are going.
России привет от меня!
How frank is it that none of us ever live in the present. We look forward to some great event- a vacation, graduation, marriage, or even just the weekend- and miss out on life that is going on around us. Or worse, we are caught up dreading a “good-bye”, a relocation, or some pending change in our life and distress over the possible misery we will have to endure. What is it I’ve heard, “life is what happens while you’re making other plans.”? So true.
Life is lived moment by moment, prayer by prayer, and lesson by lesson. True joy, I suppose, must come from making every moment and lesson count. Being “present” to what the Lord wishes us to experience must bring about the greatest growth, the deepest compassions, and the most precious of experiences.
With the Savior as your compass in this journey, can any wind take you down a sullen path? May all of you ever be blessed with the greatest of journeys!
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