knows what she wants.

Crud. I had this really excellent post all ready and then firefox froze! Grr... I think I have a virus. Anyway, I was just getting ready to rant about who my perfect man would be (a cross between Antonio Banderas and Alexander Pushkin) and then it gets deleted. You know what? I think it's a sign. There isn't a perfect man. I'm just a sentimental junkie and I'm sure that some men are getting a little annoyed with my expectations. I still want a gentleman, but it isn't so much in looks, it's in his actions. He doesn't have to wear a suit or take me ballroom dancing, he doesn't even have to bring me roses (I think that's tacky anyway, roses are such default flowers when guys don't know what to get). I don't think it's too bold to ask for someone who actually takes time for me, though. That is so important. Just someone who wants to spend time with me and who has the courage to show me that he likes me. I have put my neck on the line repeatedly and it hasn't been the most enjoyable experience every time, but it has been beneficial. I feel stronger now. I don't need someone, but I want to care about someone. I think Pushkin said it best:

I loved you once: perhaps that love has yet
To die down thoroughly within my soul;
But let it not dismay you any longer;
I have no wish to cause you any sorrow.
I loved you wordlessly, without a hope,
By shyness tortured, or by jealousy.
I loved you with such tenderness and candor
And pray God grants you to be loved that way again.

It's not that I am tortured by any love that was lost or never happened. I just love Pushkin's attitude about the whole situation. When you truly care about someone you wish the best for them even if it doesn't mean that they will be with you. Eventually there will be someone. 99% of the time you have to move on and that's okay. I guess my point with this is it seems like there are too many guys who are afraid of losing. I don't know if it's apathy or fear. I just see a lack of chivalry. I don't know what happened to men. While women are becoming increasingly independent and bold, men are shrinking. What can women do? Maybe the problem is we are always thinking about this question and we are facilitating men too much. They need to take risks too. Pushkin took risks and he married the girl of his dreams. Maybe this isn't the best example because he died in a duel because of her, but I think this shows that he was willing to act. Men, we don't want you to die in duels for us, just open the car door once in a while and call us for no apparent reason, except to talk.

stays up until 3:00 am.

Last night I stayed up until 3:00 talking to one of my best friends in the world. When she dozed off, I started writing an article for Insight magazine. Which I should be writing as I am posting this, by the way. It's about the joy of dancing and I just wanted to share some quotes that I found for the article. Enjoy:

Dance is for everybody. I believe that the dance came from the people and that it should always be delivered back to the people.

Alvin Ailey

What is dance? I am dancing all the time. Every gesture, the body line of every pose, the way I get from place to place, the movement in the acting-none of it would be the way it is if I weren't a dancer.

Ray Bolger

When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way.

Wayne Dyer

Think of the magic of that foot, comparatively small, upon which your whole weight rests. It's a miracle, and the dance is a celebration of that miracle.

Martha Graham

We learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. One becomes in some area an athlete of God.

Martha Graham

Dance is the hidden language of the soul.

Martha Graham

Every dance is a kind of fever chart, a graph of the heart.

Martha Graham

We look at the dance to impart the sensation of living in an affirmation of life, to energize the spectator into keener awareness of the vigor, the mystery, the humor, the variety, and the wonder of life. This is the function of the American dance.

Martha Graham

When people start dancing, they dance like they don't know they are doing it.

Nusrat F. A. Khan

To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.

Agnes de Mille

doesn't want to write her paper

I have absolutely no desire to write my Russian paper on the comparison between Tolstoy and one of the main characters from Anna Karenina, Levin. It's not a bad topic, as I was able to choose it myself, but now that it's due tomorrow, I suddenly don't want to write it anymore. I have too many things to do right now and for some reason it causes a traffic jam in my brain and I can't do any one of them. So, I am eating too much sugar and thinking about boys I don't even like. Well maybe I do. I can't decide right now. Today was such a wonderful day, though. I loved the weather and the things that were said in church. My lesson went well too. I love talking about the atonement. It was so nice to hear that the sisters in Relief Society enjoyed the message I shared with them. After church I went out to enjoy the weather and asked one of my friends to go on a walk. I'm glad that he went with me. We haven't really talked much lately, probably because there hasn't been much time for just hanging out. This is all really random, but that's how I'm feeling right now. I swear I have ADD. I probably won't get much sleep tonight. Just to end on a good note I will end with a list of things that I am grateful for and a fake wedding announcement.

I'm thankful for:
1. Testimony meeting
2. Oatmeal cookies
3. Talking with my mom
4. The view from rock canyon park
5. Warm spring days
6. "My shepard will supply my need" -such a beautiful song!
7. Good friends to chat with
8. Flippy hair
9. Random Rumba moments
10. A new blender!

Poka!

spills her fresca in class

I don't even hate the cloudy weather today. It reminds me of Oregon. Today was a Wednesday like most Wednesdays. I went to dance class, danced the Paso. I still can't growl. I fell asleep in Doctrine and Covenants and then I went to my Tolstoy class, which would be excellent if I could just keep up with the reading! And I ate a gigantic cranberry, white chocolate, macadamia cookie. I don't regret it. Now I am going to work to be with my wonderful missionaries. They are in their 10th week and about to head off to Donetsk, Yekaterinburg, and Vladivostok. I will miss them. Tonight they will be teaching the 3rd lesson and I hope it goes well.