Sunday, May 11, 2008

wishes she were a mother.

I'm having an intense bout of saudade here. It's Mother's Day and I recognize all the wonderful women around me who are mothers. I have one of the best mothers I'm aware of. I am also longing to be a mother myself. It's not an uncommon desire, I know. My roommates have witnessed me stuffing pillows up my shirt as if I were a five-year-old playing. But I'm not playing anymore. I really want to be a mother. I don't know how long I might have to wait. I believe it will happen, though. I don't think the Lord would give me such a promise and the desires that I have and then leave me wanting. I believe him.


"And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat."
Gen. 3:6

I think I know what made Eve reach beyond herself and partake of the fruit. She knew that she needed knowledge that she didn't have to fulfill the Lord's commandment to "be fruitful and multiply." She knew that God's plan was greater than herself. I am grateful to her for her wisdom and courage.

I love this poem about Adam and Eve, written by Lance Larsen:

This World, Not the Next

True, God dreamed our first parents out
of a chaos of firmament and longing.
And true, he pled with them to return
to a savory Forever of his making.

But it was this world, with its tides and
machinery of sweet decay, they learned to love.
He touched their hair, then covered their sleeping
mouths with His and declared breath
holy, but forced them to draw another
and another. He commanded that they eat
not of that dazzling tree of awe and penumbra,
but knew its fruit would eat at them.

And when it did, and when they fell
into knowing. God folded the garden and hid it
deep inside the woman, but commanded
the man to tend it. And in due season the man
Eved, and the woman Adamed back
and the song of radiance they keened was pure

darkness by morning. And God blessed
Their bounty to be infinite, but left them
ten crooked fingers to count with.
And buried His echo inside their bodies,
a delicious lapping that answered yes and yes
to a question neither could recall.


Here's one more poem about Eve by Ranier Maria Rilke:

Eve

Look how she stands, high on the steep facade
of the cathedral, near the window-rose,
simply, holding in her hand the apple,
judged for all time as the guiltless-guilty

for the growing fruit her body held
which she gave birth to after parting from
the circle of eternities. She left
to face the strange New Earth, so young in years.

Oh, how she would have loved to stay a little
longer in that enchanted garden, where
the peaceful gentle beasts grazed side by side.

But Adam was resolved to leave, to go
out into this New Earth, and facing death
she followed him. God she had hardly known.


Right now I can't comprehend the difficulty of being a mother, I only know this desire that is in me. I hope that my love will be deep enough to help me assume this most-important role someday.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers. You inspire me.

1 comment:

The Impossible K said...

Aww... me too! I guess, being a childless woman on Mother's Day, it's kinda hard not to feel that yearning... I love the poems you chose. (Heck, I love poetry in general) Someone, I forget who, made an insightful comment on Sunday, reminding us that Eve was called "mother of all living" before ever becoming a mother. The title "mother" transcends the mere act of giving birth. Yes, that's an important part, but it is not the whole. As women, we are mothers- whether that promise is fulfilled now or tomorrow or ten years from now... :)

Fan Cast for Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archive Series

After a long hiatus from blogging, I wanted to pick up again with a book recommendation. I just finished Oathbringer , the third bo...