So few people ever read my blog that I feel it is a safe environment to discuss my current thoughts about a struggle that I have recently discovered a couple of my best friends deal with. I don't want to be overly candid or tip-toe around the subject because it shouldn't be that way. I don't wish for it to be and I hope that someday it can be discussed with greater compassion and understanding. The challenge is same-gender attraction. When my friend told me about his struggle, I didn't know how to feel. I was numb. I sobbed and told him that I felt like this challenge was so cruel and unfair. I told him that I didn't want him to be alone in this life. I didn't understand how I should react because I had never heard someone admit this to me before in my life. I felt that the situation was somehow hopeless. I am so glad that I understand more now. Some of my first words after this moment of reality struck were:
"the words [we spoke]... are a mass of frustration, sobbing, and pain... I was shocked. I can hardly explain how I feel right now. It doesn't seem real to me."
A couple days later I wrote "I am trying to have more charity and forget about my pain... The lessons I am learning about life right now are so crucial. I don't know why I am so compelled to understand the true nature of love, but I guess it is the most important of all God's commandments- love one another."
My last entry about my friend reads "I accept him as he is and recognize now what my place is- to simply love him. What else can I do for anyone? I can serve them and love them, there is nothing greater and sometimes it's hard because it doesn't produce the results that I wish it would, but true service does not seek those ends. Service and love just are, that's all. The whole experience has helped me realize that a person is not defined by what they struggle with. He is not defined by his same-gender attraction... I feel like I have just been in a very perception-altering situation and for me it was. I see life in a new way. I see that every person has challenges. What they are and how they deal with them varies. My role is to 'have insights to others lives' not to judge, but to serve them as I 'recognize their needs, their desires, their hopes' (quoted from my patriarchal blessing). That does not give me leeway to define them and imagine that I can judge. I cannot. Only the Lord knows the hearts of men."
I love the men in my life who deal with this challenge. I have already gained so much understanding through my friendships with them. And aside from these realizations, they are simply good people. I love being around them. Their strength and courage astounds me and strengthens me. I pray that I may never make a disparaging remark about anyone ever again who struggles with, really, any challenge in life. My duty, and my joy, is to love those who I have the opportunity to build relationships with in this life. I am so thankful for this realization.
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7 comments:
You are an amazing person! You have a gift of love. Having never met you, I already feel like we could be best friends. :) Thank you. I hope you know that we are going to have to go out to lunch now when I move up to rovo in April. haha
I have a friend just like you. Her Blog is Stephalumapagus (I gave her that nickname) hahahaha. She is a wonderful girl that has read, talked, and contemplated with me. She is one of those people that you meet that you can feel God's love pouring out of her. It makes me feel very happy. I believe that you two would be wonderful friend. I will tell her about your blog.
Yes, I have read No More Goodbyes...and it was AMAZING. I loved that book. Stephalumpagus read both of her books too. Thank you so much for stopping by my blog.
Hi, I'm the above-mentioned Stephalumpagus. The Native is one of my best friends in the world (and is way more amazing than me, despite what he says), and he was the first person to tell me about same-gender attraction. I had a similar reaction to yours--I didn't love him any less, but I was upset and didn't understand why anyone would be required to endure such a challenge. That was almost a year ago.
I've learned as much as I can on the subject, and I still have a lot more to learn. Just be open to your friends and love and support them undconditionally. It's great that you've read No More Goodbyes. You should read Carol Lynn's other book, Goodbye I Love You, as well.
I'm a student at BYU too and I'd love to meet you. I have a lot of SSA friends that are wonderful people. It's easier to understand this when you can talk to people about it. Feel free to email me at fruitflyjunebug@hotmail.com. And I know the Native would answer any questions for you as well--he is an incredible person. I am so lucky that he is a part of my life and I love him so much.
Good luck and thanks for your blog.
I am a female who is challenged by sga. I have many wonderful friends who also deal with this in their lives. How grateful I am for people like you who love us and all that makes us who we are.
Thank you for your question. I posted a video I think you will find interesting about raising a child in a homosexual relationship. There are many interesting points. I know it is kinda long, but it is good.
you are so right in so many ways. i have had a lot of reason to think about this issue in the past few months, also, and i think i've come to an understanding similar to yours... that is, i am also "seeking understanding."
it's crazy to think how much can change in just a little bit of time. i remember around this time last year i made a joke about wanting a gay boyfriend to go shoe shopping and discuss relationships with. i could have hardly realized that in the next year i would meet around 10 or so individuals with sga, taking this from an abstract, seemingly laughable concept to something very real and very touching.
i love how you said that a person is not defined by their struggles-- and i think that this is so true. i don't know that i want to say that sga is just another trial placed on people, as i can hardly put myself in their shoes. i do know, however, that those men i know that are homosexuals have really blessed my lives and have taught me to be kind and tolerant and to truly love. i used to be obsessed with figuring out exactly what it was that a defined a person-- other people? connections? experiences?-- but through all my study i've emerged even more confused. man is so complex. but the most important thing i've learned that god, in his greatness and glory, not only understands our hearts, perfectly, but also loves us infinitely and fully. god is love.
anyway, i'm getting a bit wordy but i guess i just want to say that i'm glad you are in a similar postion with me and i'm glad that you are so wise and such an inspiration for me to learn from. i'm glad that we are both receiving this blessing-- of associating so closely with those that our mormon society hardly understands, and breaking our minds free from judgment and stereotype in learning to love people for the individuals that they are.
I also appreciate people like you who try to understand what SSA really is. It's nice to know that there are people who seek understanding before judgement. I don't know if I would have really tried to understand homosexuality had I not had to experience it. My whole perspective on life has changed since I have come to terms with my own SSA. So thanks for your inexplicable compassion.
Oh and thanks for commenting on my blog!
After reading about a woman who quite eagerly evidenced her bigotry (thanks to AtP) it's so refreshing to read of a saint who understands that we need no judgement on us, we're hard enough on ourselves, who sees the need to perform charity in its true form. You are a gem of a woman. I know that your friend truly values you.
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