My New Years Resolutions or... (insert word from below)

Here are some synonyms for the word "resolution":

aim, boldness, constancy, courage, dauntlessness, decidedness, decision, declaration, dedication, doggedness, earnestness, energy, firmness, fixed purpose, fortitude, guts, heart, immovability, intent, intention, judgment, mettle, moxie, obstinacy, perseverance, pluck, purpose, purposefulness, relentlessness, resoluteness, resolve, settlement, sincerity, spirit, spunk, staunchness, staying power, steadfastness, stubbornness, tenacity, verdict, willpower

Kind of helps me to understand what they are a little better. My favorites are in bold. :)

To begin this train of thought, last night at around 3:30am I realized that I should be going to bed; now it's about 8am and somehow my body believes it's had sufficient sleep. I guess I can't argue, but considering that I am usually the kind of person who sleeps in until eleven when I can, this feels strange. Well, now that I am up, my mind has been filled with New Year's Resolutions. I didn't intend to write any yesterday, but here they are today. There are quite a few this year. I guess that means there are a lot of things I would like to change in my life. I didn't see that until recently. Truthfully, I don't know if I've lived my life very well this year. That is, I don't know if I've been as happy as I could be. There has been a lot of backlash to sad experience and I wish that weren't the case. To quote my journal, "I got a jolt of reality this year and I'm trying not to let it make me cynical. I'm trying to accept it for what it is and use that knowledge to help me live a fuller, more joyful life." Cynicism isn't getting me anywhere, and I know that. It is just extremely difficult for me to open myself up to the possibility of being injured again, even if there is also the possibility of being loved again. Since when am I so scared? There's another resolution...

But before I begin with the resolutions, I do want to account for what I believe to be my biggest regrets this year. Regretting doesn't change the past, but it can help with the future. This is an opportunity for me to recognize that I do need to make changes.

I most regret...

1. My financial decisions. Buying a car that was too expensive last year and shopping too frequently for things that I don't need has left me feeling frustrated.

2. My attitude regarding relationships. I haven't been this closed off for some time. I've been unfriendly at times, critical, and just unavailable, even to people close to me.

3. My lack of diligence. I haven't been very attentive to people that I care about and I've let a lot of important things slide. I include my willingness to do my calling at church in this category and the depth of my scripture study. I just feel lazy.

My list of resolutions is long, but it's more than just a to do list of one time accomplishments. It's about things that I truly, sincerely want to try do better and keep trying to do. I don't know if I can do any of these things perfectly, but that's not the point. (Keep in mind these aren't in order of importance.)

This year I will...

1. Avoid library or credit card late fees. Keep track of when stuff is due and take care of it on time.

2. Switch scripture study to the morning. I have the time and it needs to be more meaningful.

3. Exercise in the morning as well-- walk or bike 45 minutes.

4. Apply to grad schools by the deadlines in April for this fall.

5. Start meeting new people to date by doing new things, perhaps even online dating... er, we'll see.

6. Ask hard questions, even if the situation is awkward. It's not about confrontation, but communication.

7. Get as much paid off on my credit cards as possible!

8. Sell my car and get rid of that extra payment.

9. Get a more affordable car.

10. Speak less out of anger. Shut my mouth and walk away if I can't do anything positive about the situation.

11. Practice my Russian daily.

12. Practice piano daily.

13. Learn to play some simple songs on the guitar.

14. Get a guitar or borrow one.

15. Continue going to the temple at least weekly.

16. Avoid shopping at all if I don't have money.

17. Be more prayerful. Ask for the things I really need. Give thanks sincerely and frequently.

18. Stop saying unkind things about people. Period.

19. Read more from my personal library of books.

20. Tell people how much they mean to me more often.

21. Say thank you more.

22. Make quilts for each member of my family.

23. Seek out opportunities to see and do new things locally.

24. Write more!

25. Take more responsibility for my decisions.

26. Give away things I don't need.

27. Cut out excuses. Apologize and then say what I will do differently the next time.

28. Wear sexy shoes more often.

29. Take the dogs on more walks.

30. Compliment others more.

31. Smile more.

32. Stop agonizing over past mistakes and embarrassments.

33. Hug people more.

34. Be more polite on the road.

35. Wait my turn and smile when I get there.

I've often said to people at times when they need encouragement "goals are stars to shoot for, not sticks to beat yourself with." I don't remember where I heard that phrase either. Now I need to take that advice for myself and look up toward the sky. I'm not in a self-deprecating frame of mind at all, really. I just want to start 2o11 off right.

Happy New Year's everyone! С Новым годом!

P.S. In the spirit of using the thesaurus, I searched 26 adjectives, A to Z, that I think describe myself. It's a nice exercise in self-esteem. Try it out: http://thesaurus.com/

I'm altruistic, benevolent, clever, devoted, earnest, fascinating, gregarious, heavenly, ingenious, judicious, keen, literary, memorable, nimble, observant, peculiar, quick witted, refreshing, savvy, transcendent, undiluted, vivacious, wizard, xenodochial, youthful, and zippy.